Thaeris last time I was at distrowatch I stumbled upon a way to filter for lightest operating systems. what an interesting, accidental hour of reading.
While I downloaded nothing I agree with your take on the ludicrous speed times.
Origins/provenance on these distros was too sketchy for me; their liabilities and vulnerabilities too unclear and articulated by commenters as far as memory goes. OR..as far as I was willing to research...
The OP said 2 GB was the laptop's ceiling and that's too bad. I think a browser with 3 tabs open and a libre document would be the limit here with Budgie from my experience at 4GB a while back. Pros/Cons of the ultralight distros is an interesting subtopic and I agree a tad OT. But relevant for the OP.