Thanks again to all who answered - I managed something for now:
I looked up /proc/acpi/wakeup
to see what devices were set to "enabled".
All but one had a sysfs node that began with "pci" so I assumed the last one was the power button.
I used a small script with a echo ???? >> /proc/acpi/wakeup
line for each enabled device and ran it - this disabled the USB devices waking up the computer.
Next, I followed this tutorial to get systemd to run my script on startup - since KDE's normal Autostart menu wouldn't run a script that requires sudo permissions.
If I ever connect another USB input device to the machine, I'll have to update the script - and it might also fail if I disconnect and reconnect any of the current ones, but it does the job for now.
Harvey - I went over the computer's UEFI settings again with a fine tooth comb, and couldn't find anything resembling the "USB Wake Support" menu, or find any documentation about it.
Had my solution not worked, my next step would have been to open a support ticket with the manufacturer.